v1n1.com

Esteemed Stumpfans, I present you with this unalterable truth: I ain’t gettin’ any younger. And neither are you.

But unlike the chronophobic youth fetishizers who have an existential crisis when they hit 25, or the media who think that adolescents with partially formed frontal cortexes should drive the bus of cultural currents, I’m cool with aging. After all, as challenging as aging can be, it sure beats the hell out of the alternative.

For one thing, many of us are getting smarter.

Forget all that bullshit about how infants are learning geniuses while old people cling to their timeworn ruts like paranoid cat ladies of cognition. Have you seen babies lately? C’mon, they still crap their pants and think Barney is cool. I can beat a baby at chess at least 50% of the time.

Yes, we do lose brain cells as we age. But here’s the cool thing: when it comes to brains, size doesn’t always matter. OMGBFFA used to have a couple of tiny Yorkshire terriers. Each one weighed about 4 lb. Now, these things have brains the size of a chickpea. Yet somehow, everything dog-like was condensed into these little cranial legumes. Those dogs, fruity as they were (especially when wearing little sweaters), could still execute all the dog-required tasks that, say, a German shepherd could.

Let me go one better. Consider the octopus. That thing doesn’t even have a “brain” in the way we think of it; it’s really more like Jello and rubber formed into an amusingly creepy prehensile shape. But octopuses are freaky smart. And those cephalopod fuckers beat me and the baby at chess 100% the time.

Hell, even fungi can be brilliant. Check this weird shit out.

I digress. The point is that thanks to neuroplasticity and the ability of our brains to form new connections, we’re getting smarter despite fewer neurons. And often, cleverness and cunning mixed with a good ol’ age-related dose of cynicism beats vigour and brute force.

Just like every boxing gym has that old dude with the porkpie hat that speaks in vulgarity-laced proverbs, nearly every traditional martial arts school has that ancient guy who looks and talks like Yoda, and claims his knees are no good, but who can still kick you in the face from every possible angle.

I remember when I first started judo. I did some classes with an instructor who got his black belt in 1958. By now he’s like a zillionth-degree black belt, so black belt he’s gone right into red belt. In person, he’s not very scary. He’s a kindly, affable short guy who moves slowly and creakily, and talks about how he’s not very good at throwing these days. Yeah right. All he does is stand next to you, and you fall down. He scratches his ear, and your face slams the mat. He wiggles his toe, and you end up with your kidneys smashed into your nose, wondering why you didn’t take up competitive shuffleboard instead of judo.

That’s the power of age-related skill and smarts.

Aging gives us context and the big picture. Ideally, you start to realize that little things don’t matter.

• Got a cold and can’t train for a few days? Meh. It’s a drop of water in the ocean.
• Gained a pound? Meh. In a body that has, say, 150 of those pounds, does one more here or there really matter?
• Didn’t make my squat PR today? Meh. There’s always next week.
• Crap workout? Meh. I’ve got a thousand workouts under my belt; this isn’t the workout that makes or breaks me. I know what matters most is that I just kept showing up to the gym.

Having context makes victories that much sweeter. And smaller. Which means there are more of them.

• Knees don’t hurt today? Great!
• Got upright and achieved bipedalism? Super!
• Shoulders moving happily in their sockets instead of creaking like old hinges? Awesome!
• Able to sneak a few pieces of artisan cheese or a glass of vintage malbec past my digestive system sensors? Hoohah!
• Didn’t squeak out a fart while deadlifting? The world applauds!

Shit, every day is the friggin’ Olympics when you start realizing what’s truly important and get smacked around a little bit by the universe. Aging gives you perspective and cuts your grandiosity down to size. You build healthy humility and life becomes a wonderful little charm bracelet of tiny magical moments and banal pleasures. You stop being in such a goddamned hurry.

100-year-old shot putter Ruth Frith

Aging also helps us grow into ourselves. We start to know what we like and don’t like. We stop giving a fuck what other people think of us.

Imagine, younguns, a world where you just don’t give a shit about looking stupid or what your friends think or falling down in public or impressing the Joneses or having to go along with the crowd to do things you hate. Imagine how awesome that would be. The liberation. The joyous freedom. The glorious sense of possibility. Well, if you’re lucky, that’s what getting older is.

Now, this magnificent state of karmic bliss doesn’t come without a price. Humility is rarely inherited; it usually must be earned. Unless you’re one of the lucky folks that learns from other people’s mistakes, you’ll have to endure some experiential skill building. Which is to say you’ll have to go through all the fuckups and falling-down on your own.

The other cost of the passport to Zen is that your physical body makes its presence known much more clearly when you age. Stuff starts to hurt. Stuff starts to creak. Stuff starts to grow hair (or lose it). Stuff stops making some stuff you do want, and starts making other stuff you don’t want. And gravity isn’t just a theory, it’s the law.

Bodybuilder Ernestine Shepherd, in her mid-70s

Now, these changes don’t mean that things get worse. They simply mean that things change.

Frinstance, I’ve built more muscle in the last few years than I think I’ve built in my entire lifting career. (Thank you, Dan John, deadlifts, and the good folks down at the all-you-can-eat churrasquiera.) And I intend to keep building more muscle, at least until normal clothing no longer fits me and my ass looks like two cannonballs being absentmindedly twiddled by a rock giant.

And after years of training in a variety of activities, I have exquisite body awareness and muscular control. Any new activity I take up is speedily and easily integrated into a deep and broad physical practice. (Although I did kick my salsa partner in the ankles last weekend, but hey — that’s the price of an enchufle doble with a ninja, my friend.)

My body shape has changed as my hormones have changed. I can get all pouty faced while throwing out old bras, or I can simply shrug and go hit the January sales for something new. Neither better nor worse; just different.

Still, there are some not-so-great consequences. One of those is that our bodies simply can’t endure the abuse we used to throw at them. We might develop weird digestive intolerances. (Oh red wine and cottage cheese, how I mourn your loss.)

As we age we have to train smarter. We have to think about sustainability. The long haul. Tomorrow. Next year.

We have to be willing to tap out early and walk away — thus we live to fight another day. We have to foam roll and do our mobility work. We have to take days off and mix things up. We can’t go balls to the wall (which, by the way, has nothing to do with testicles and everything to do with engineering) all the time. We can’t pump till we puke… ever. We can’t do dumbshit things, because an injury today might mean weeks or months of recovery, instead of days. We should nap more.

We have to keep it real, be authentic, and both live and lift with integrity, self-compassion, and optimistic humility. We have to stop looking for the magic solution. There is no fucking magic solution. We are already magic. We are already stupendous. Aging merely gives us a ticket to the greatest show on earth — the wizardry of our own survival. If you’re smart, and think sustainably, that show will be magnificent until you croak.

Enjoy. And pass the prunes.

95-year-old sprinter Ida Keeling

stumptuous.com

The Arnold Sports Festival is quickly approaching. Weightlifting is but one of many sports, but the Arnold has given us a great platform to promote the sport of weightlifting. Ask any competitor that has lifted in the Arnold Weightlifting Championships and they will tell you the crowds provide a whole new atmosphere for competing.

Will you join us?

Columbus Weightlifting

Readers of Fuck Calories will know that I am not partial to the “calories in, calories out” model of fat loss and lean body mass gain.

There are many reasons for that, one of which is the fact that the quality of your energy intake matters. 1000 calories of Twinkies is not 1000 calories of steak, no matter what idiotic single-food-focused diet you may choose to consume (see: Twinkie diet, cabbage soup, grapefruit, lemon-cayenne-maple syrup, et al).

I hope to help folks understand eventually that energy in vs energy out is not the only thing that determines body composition — your body’s response to a given food also makes a huge difference. (I’ll be harping on this a lot in future, so consider this a warning shot across the bow.)

An interesting, albeit small, recent study correlates protein quality to waist size. What is interesting here is that the researchers stipulate “quality protein”. What the heck does that mean?

Let me explain the concept of essential amino acids (EAAs).

Essential amino acids and protein quality

If there’s one thing Nature does real good, it’s make proteins. (Actually, Nature does lots of things real good.) Oh how organic systems love their proteins. You’re a big pile of protein, from your hair to your toenails.

The building blocks for proteins are amino acids. There are lots of amino acids out there. Sure, we love ‘em all, but there are some that we really need — these are known as essential amino acids. There are also amino acids that are conditionally essential, which means that sometimes we need them more than others. Frinstance, glutamine is a conditionally EAA — we need more of it during times of physical stress, which is why it’s often included in post-surgical nutrition.

Now, what you’re looking for in your diet is a good assortment of these EAAs, and generally (unless you have some kind of intolerance or genetic inability to metabolize certain AAs) getting some of the conditional AAs doesn’t hurt either. Bone broths, for instance, are rich in glycine. (And they taste great! So win-win.)

Some proteins are more equal essential than others

Problem is that not all protein sources are created equal.

Just because something “contains protein” does not mean that the protein source is optimal. Sure, we’re scavengers so we will grab ‘n’ go whatever we can get our greasy little protease enzymes on — we can extract protein from darn near anything edible.

But that protein may not be our best choice. Frinstance, vegetarians often opt for beans/legumes, grains, and nuts as protein sources. (And others of you like to delude yourself that peanut butter is a “good protein source”. Hey man, I get it. Nothing beats scooping out that buttery goodness and feeling morally righteous and nutritionally justified as the silky, sexy, salty, peanutty velvet melts into your soft palate. Unnnngghhh.)

Now, these protein sources aren’t “bad” or “wrong”. They’re just not optimal. Let’s compare.

Here’s a sample of protein ranking according to the PDCAAs score. (Don’t worry about the acronym. Just get the idea.) The PDCAA scores proteins on two things: our amino acid requirements, and how well we can digest these particular proteins.

The higher the number, the better-quality (for us) the protein in terms of giving us the amino acids that we need.

Lab vs real world

I should point out that theoretical digestibility doesn’t always correlate to real-life digestibility.

Although, for instance, whey and casein are highly ranked, many folks actually can’t digest dairy well, and in fact consuming casein/whey is a source of other health problems. Same deal with soy — if you rely on soy as your major protein source you are in for some serious issues. And of course, if you’ve read Fuck Calories, you’ll know how I feel about wheat.

Indeed, some researchers have pointed out that the PCDAAs may over-value certain foods if it looks only at amino acid availability, noting that the PCDAAs ignores the real-world protein quality of the “protein sources which may contain naturally occurring growth-depressing factors or antinutritional factors”.

What this means is that we have to look at the big picture: How does a given food actually behave in a real human body?

Also note that not all of these are whole foods. Casein, whey, and soy protein powders are industrially processed foods that require an elaborate production chain. You know my thoughts on industrially processed foods, which is that in general we should avoid most of them. And unless we’re hardcore bodybuilders, we don’t just eat “casein”, we usually eat something like “cottage cheese”, which contains both whey and casein.

But anyway, just get the general picture here. Some foods are higher in essential amino acids than others. This is what the researchers mean by “quality protein”. More EAAs per gram of food, better protein quality.

Better protein quality means a leaner body?

The Coles Notes version here is that a higher intake of quality proteins is correlated with a smaller waist size, and by inference a leaner body.

Now, you could say the sample is too small to be of use, and that this effect is simply correlation not causation, and you would be correct on both counts from a methodological standpoint. But this general trend  (abundant protein = you get lean & strong) has been confirmed across a zillion other studies.

So again, let’s talk lab vs. real world. I can tell you from my observation of hundreds of clients (yes, real people in the real world, just like you) that it’s very, very hard to get lean and strong, to stay robustly healthy, and to perform well athletically on a low-quality, low protein diet. Period. There are always a few rare outliers who claim to kick ass while living on twigs and sprouts, and more power to ‘em. Likely, those folks are not you.

Conversely, for most folks it’s a lot easier to feel energetic, full, and psychologically satisfied — and get lean — on a diet that includes lots of high-quality protein. Mo’ protein, no problems.

If you don’t incorporate high-quality protein sources into your diet (and let’s be honest, I mean eating something that is an animal or was made by an animal), you’ll likely find it more challenging to get and stay as lean, healthy, and strong as you would like, and you’ll have to rely more on heavily processed foods such as protein powders to bring your intake up to snuff.

Feeling all a-Twitter about this post? Why not chat about it on my Facebook page?

stumptuous.com

By Saint Pikachu

If you’ve taken my advice and gotten your busted ass into the gym…

…there – did you survive?

Can you make it through another day? Or did you succumb to complications of terminal self-consciousness and the shame of looking like a goof?

Don’t be fooled by my intoxicating internet charisma and love of dirty jokes – in life, I’m actually quite shy, and like most shy people, I find the thought of being stared at or laughed at positively mortifying. That can make working out in public especially challenging – my body moves differently than most bodies, which tends to attract attention.

And while that attention is almost always kind and well-intentioned, hearing “Are you doing OK, ma’am?” from the sweet little knock-kneed freshman pressing 50 lbs on the next bench over kinda deflates my fantasy of looking like Grace Jones in Conan the Destroyer. Or maybe Lou Ferrigno, with better hair.

Of course, self-consciousness isn’t just the domain of the crippled. Really, anyone whose body looks different – very large or very small, older, in some way not like the manic spandexed Hitler Youth that seem to populate most gym ads – can feel a bit intimidated or awkward in the gym, especially when just getting started.

Thing is, the best way to shake that self-consciousness – the best way I’ve found, at any rate – is to confront it head-on by doing something that looks bizarre and letting the normals stare. Making a spectacle of yourself, in other words.

So, with that in mind, I’ve decided to share a few of my favorite ridiculous exercises for crips and gimps and other weirdos.

The “equipment” for each is cheap or free, and especially beneficial to crippled folks. The “exercises” are silly and fun and they will kick your ass. I have (oh GOD) included pictures to illustrate. Caveat: I’m no expert in wellness or exercise or anything else, so if you wanna try any of the dumb shit I do, please be careful.

Ball Smackin’

Whatcha need: A SOFT medicine ball, like the one here. This one’s 10 lbs, but they come lighter and heavier. I got this one for on sale.

Whatcher gonna do: While sitting, toss the ball as high as you can and catch it as high as you can. When you catch it, slam it to the ground. (If you do it right, your cat should walk out of the room in disgust.)

Alternatively, try tossing as you squat (how’s that for eloquence?). (Don’t knock over the Christmas tree, or you’ll get yelled at – trust me.)

Crip Approved: Because the ball is soft, it won’t hurt you the way a traditional dumbbell or kettleball will if you accidentally hit yourself with it or drop it on yourself. I’ve bashed myself in the face with this sucker plenty of times and gotten only light bruises at worst – a dumbbell would have broken my nose.

What else can you do with it? Any exercise you’d do with the same weight dumbbell: throw and catch with a partner, terrify your pets, etc.

Lowridin’

Whatcha need: A box big enough to kneel in comfortably. Boxes are available at packing stores, warehouses, and fine liquor stores throughout the country.

Whatcher gonna do: Kneel in the box, lean forward, stretch arms and place hands on the floor in front of you, pull self across the floor. (Purple fedora optional, but recommended.)

This is also a fun one to take outside and use to scare folks at the park. (“Ooh, I gotta make it to the swings before Jimmy Tennerman or else I’ll never get a turn!”)

Crip Approved: This is great for when your legs are too weak or sloppy to use safely. Plus, you’re already on the floor, so you needn’t worry about falling.

What else can you do with it? Fill it with something heavy for lifts, get a bunch and have a box fight with a partner, bring your groceries home from Costco.

Frankenstein’s Monster

Whatcha need: A rig and a tree. This rig is something called a speed trainer – I picked it up on clearance for . You can also make your own rig with bungees/resistance bands and a weight belt (tie bungees/bands into a long rope, tie one end of your bungee/band rope to tree, put on weight belt backwards – flat part over your stomach, buckle in the back – and tie the other end of your rope to the belt).

Whatcher gonna do: Run/walk/shuffle away from the tree as fast as you can. As you get further away, the resistance of your rope will increase, making it harder to stay on your feet.

(“Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA? Is that what you’re telling me?!”)

Crip Approved: Walking with any sort of resistance is great for both strength and balance, and with this the resistance increases gradually, allowing you to rest or move as slowly as you need to.

What else can you do with it? Turn around and play tug-o-war, construct an ill-advised but really cool giant catapult.

There you have it, my lovelies – some activities sure to help you get strong and entertain your audience all at the same time.

Because honestly, that’s what your self-consciousness really is: stage fright. Not the fear that people are looking at you but the fear that they don’t like what they see.

If you look different, for whatever reason, folks are going to look at you – you’re always going to have an audience. So you’d better give them a good show, hadn’t you?

stumptuous.com

The awesome company I work for, Precision Nutrition, is hiring! If you are interested in any of these positions please email me and I will be happy to discuss more about what we are seeking.

Here’s the job ad in full:

WORKING FOR PRECISION NUTRITION
——————————-

Couple of quick notes on how we do things at PN:

* We pay in the top 10% in the world for each position
* Four weeks vacation, full benefits and the ability to work remotely
included

We’re looking for good people who are among the best in their
respective fields, and we compensate accordingly.

JOBS AVAILABLE
————–

*Web Developer (Full-Time Position)*
We’re looking for a bright and easy-to-get-along-with candidate to
join our web and application development team, help manage the website
and develop the the cutting-edge nutrition coaching and research
software that underpins all we do at PN.

* Focus: user interface design and front-end web development
* Primary tools: HTML / CSS / Javascript
* 3 years of professional experience required
* Experience with mobile development, graphic design and database
design definite pluses.

*Nutrition Coach – Lean Eating For Men (Full-Time Position)*
Our PN coaches are the best online nutrition coaches in the world.
And we’re looking to add an additional male coach to our team.
Requirements for the position include all of the following:

* Graduate degree (Masters/PhD) in exercise/nutrition/psychology
* Certification with PN (or the willingness to become certified)
* Experience as a nutrition coach or trainer
* High competency with desktop and web applications
* Excellent communication skills using the internet
* An interest in working with men of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds

Note: this position is done exclusively online.  So only apply if
you’re prepared to work in this way.

*Nutrition Coach – Lean Eating For Women (Full-Time Position)*
Our PN coaches are the best online nutrition coaches in the world.
And we’re looking to add an additional female coach to our team.
Requirements for the position include all of the following:

* Graduate degree (Masters/PhD) in exercise/nutrition/psychology
* Certification with PN (or the willingness to become certified)
* Experience as a nutrition coach or trainer
* High competency with desktop and web applications
* An interest in working with women of all shapes, sizes, and ages

Note: this position is done exclusively online.  So only apply if
you’re prepared to work in this way.

*Feature Writer/Storyteller (Full-Time Position)*
PN communicates primarily through the written word.  So we’re looking
for an experienced writer and storyteller to help us tell the amazing
stories of our company, our team, and our clients.  Requirements for
the position include all of the following:

*Experience working for a major print (magazine/news) publication
*Portfolio of 10 or more articles in a major print publication
*Portfolio of 10 or more articles in a major online publication
*Strong references from previous editors and/or employers

Note: we’re not necessarily looking for fitness writers.  We’re
looking for true storytellers who can tell engaging, entertaining and
empathetic stories about the transformation experiences of our
clients, and about the good work PN is doing in the world.  That’s
why experience plus a strong portfolio is a must.  In fact, should
you decide to apply, please submit your portfolio pieces (above)
along with your resume and cover letter.

LIFE AT PRECISION NUTRITITON
—————————-

Keep in mind, at Precision Nutrition, we offer you the ability to:

*Make your own work schedule.*
At PN, you’re measured by what you produce, not by the time you spend
at work.  Work when you want, from where you want.  As long as your
work gets done, and done superbly, you have the freedom to set your
own schedule.

*Work from home.*
If you’re in Toronto, our home town, great.  If not, no worries.  Many
of our employees work exclusively from home, from all over the world.

*Work in the fitness and nutrition industry.*
We love exercise, we love nutrition, and we love sport.  That’s why we
started this company.  If you do too, you’ll appreciate how rare it is
to do a job you really love.  For active, fit people, Precision
Nutrition is that opportunity.

*Work with fun, bright and truly talented people.*
We’re a small company, and we’re picky about who we work with, because
to us, this isn’t just a job — it’s our life.  So as a result, we’ve
put together a small group of cool, exceptional people.  And in our
opinion, that’s a very welcome departure from the large faceless
corporations we’ve all worked for.

Interested in one of these positions? Send us a resume and a cover
letter detailing why you’re the perfect fit for the position.  You can
reach us at info@precisionnutrition.com.

(Applicants for the storyteller position must also include portfolio,
as outlined above).

Know someone else that might be interested?  Do us a favor and spread
the word to your network.  And make sure they mention your name as the
person who referred them.

We’re looking forward to hearing from you.

JB

John M. Berardi, PhD, CSCS
Chief Science Officer

Precision Nutrition Inc.
1 Yonge Street, Suite 1801
Toronto, ON  M5E 1W7

stumptuous.com

Now this is the kind of resolution I like to hear about. Dana McMahan vows to focus on weight in a good way — i.e. how much she can put on the bar.

“To reach my lifting goals I have to believe in myself, which feels the polar opposite of setting a weight loss goal…

The new me, the one that can squat 200 pounds, comes with a bonus that the post-weight-loss-goal skinny me didn’t come with: an unshakable conviction that I can make anything happen. While I surely feel strong and powerful because I can take on 200 pounds and win, my real strength and power lie in knowing that I can overcome fear and accomplish a serious goal. If I can do that, what can’t I do?”

YEAH BUDDY! Read the rest here.

stumptuous.com

Oh, goals. How we love them in Western culture.

“Meet your goals in 2012,” says the advertising for a nearby gym.

“Let us help you reach your goals,” says another.

We all have goals, or should. Right? Goals are Very Important. Especially when it comes to fitness and nutrition.

And, so the popular logic goes, our goals should be SMART goals:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Achievable
• Realistic
• Time-limited

We should whip out the Gantt charts and plan our lives like it’s Mission Impossible. Then we will be On Top Of Things. Then there will be peace on earth and good will to all, for we will have arrived.

I recently read David Allen’s Getting Things Done. It’s a psalm for productivity. I flipped through GTD like people visit holy sites: with the panting hope that this – this formula, this system, this relic — would be the secret. That after I consumed this revered book, my inbox would be like unto a Zen garden and my mind would somehow be both a placid lake and a bubbling rapid of productivity.

Now, I’ve long been a fan of throwing things out. Try it. It feels delicious. Scary at first. But then… oh, so very, very yummy.

So high-fives to Allen for empowering us all to whip out the Glad Bags O’Justice on our lives. If we get nothing done out of Getting Things Done beyond mashing our hoarders’ nests into a pile and lighting the whole fucking thing on fire along with our teenage insecurities and adult pettiness, that would be quite enough.

I also love Allen’s idea of regular self-reviews, which I’ve done for a long time. At Precision Nutrition we are fond of asking the inconvenient question How’s that workin’ for ya?

In other words, look back on what you’re doing. Is it really working… or not? Really? Hey, no big deal if it isn’t. Just change it. Whatever the answer, the important part is that you know. And you can’t know unless you’re brave enough to look. Which few people do.

Especially not regularly. Think how much better your life would be if — instead of a frenzied, shamed, annual ritual of “resolution” — you simply allocated 5 minutes a day for a calm, compassionate, clear-eyed appraisal of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. An appraisal directed at intelligent problem solving, building awareness, or insightful reflection, not tiresome self-criticism or brain-hamster rumination.

Try this now. Whip out a piece of paper and set a timer. Spend 5 minutes just observing and reflecting.

• What did you do today? What did you think today? What did you feel today?
• Which choices were good? Why?
• Which choices didn’t work for you? Why not?
• What would you change?
• How would you go about changing that, starting now?
• Can you really change whatever it is you want to change? Is that the most important, most intelligent place to put your energy?
• What are your patterns? Where do you get “stuck” or where do you “latch on”?
• What are your routines? Do those work for you? Could you do more of what works?
• As you do this review, how is your breathing? Are you clenching your jaw? What’s happening in your body while you contemplate?

Doesn’t matter if you don’t do anything with this stuff right now. Just tune in. Give yourself your undivided attention for 5 minutes. Trust me, you have time. In fact, this may be one of the most important things you do all day.

Then, why not throw something out? Even if it’s a snotty Kleenex? Get in the habit of throwing things away. Trust me, it’s diviiiine. Today, Kleenex. Tomorrow, the piece of crap that hangs over you like a nagging sword of Damocles, reminding you that you never finished high school Latin or that you still haven’t read that National Geographic from 2003.

Back to GTD. To be brutally honest, Allen lost me around the time he proposed having seven project categories. Suddenly, this system that was supposed to simplify my life was looking awful lot like a Baroque alchemist’s bulbously elaborate horoscope of mental disorder.

Nowhere was Do Less proposed. No, the goal was to Do More… just with labels and file folders for everything. Contemplating this dystopian future, I felt my eyes go as glassy as a stuffed marmot’s.

I refocused my suddenly-softened retinas and soldiered bravely onward. I composed lists of Next Actions.

I spent the next few days in a frenzied haze of Doing Things. My tickybox-checking burned holes in my post-it stack. I plowed through Next Actions with the singular intent of a silverback gorilla on crystal meth.

At the end of those days, I had, indeed, Gotten Things Done. The idea of Next Actions is, in theory, a good one: You simply break larger projects down into smaller, more manageable steps. One thing at a time. I dig that approach real good. In fact, it’s the basis for the Lean Eating coaching program I designed.

But after improving my productivity by Doing piles of Things I didn’t feel any better. I felt worse. I felt breathless, hurried, and paranoid.

I reviewed Next Actions constantly, vibrating on red alert and poised for execution. My world became a series of Next Actions awaiting attention. Shrinking my stride while sprinting sped up the footfalls of my Next Actions. If I skipped lunch I could knock off three steps. Besides, lunch wasn’t in the project list, and adrenaline is the perfect GTD fuel anyway.

I ended the week exhausted and panic-attacked, driven to hyperventilating hysteria by my Next Action list that bristled with three minute to-dos. When I had a full-tilt ribcage-crushing weep session after accidentally spilling tea on myself (to be fair, the tea was really fucking hot and I was wearing a sweater that nicely insulated said liquid’s blistering wrath against the delicate epithelium of my chest before I could untangle my sleeves enough to rip the woolen napalm off myself), I knew it might be time to re-think my new approach.

What the fuck? When did we all become so obsessed with producing stuff? Do I really want to be able to make more stuff, faster? I thought I left that shit behind in academia when I got off the Publication Purgatory treadmill.

Over at Zen Habits, Joshua Fields Millburn’s written a very lucid piece on 100 Days Without Goals. It feels almost naughty even reading it, doesn’t it? That slackass! Where’s his 5-year plan?

News flash: The universe doesn’t give a flying fuck about your plans. You can either kick and scream against this reality, raging against the dying of your mathematically structured light, or you can get real, review the available evidence from your own experience, and accept that life is a change sandwich between two slices of chaos.

Rushing through a manic haze of Doing Things doesn’t solve two fundamental problems:

Problem 1: Too often we are passengers in the speeding train of our own lives, ripping towards an imaginary destination (“arriving”, “losing 10 lb”, “winning the lottery”, “finally being happy”, etc.) with the blinds pulled down.

We aren’t paying attention. We rarely even peek out of the windows to watch the blurred scenery whip past as we hurtle to our inevitable demise. We are simply hanging on for dear life, with faint nausea and our eyes shut.

Problem 2: We don’t know what we really want. (Or we’ve lost touch with it.) Our daily actions don’t reflect our deepest values, principles, and priorities. Quick: What’s most important to you in life? Write it down:

1. What’s most important to me is: _________.
2. I live for: _________.
3. It’s essential to me that I: _________.
4. In an ideal world, I’d never go to bed without: _________.
5. What brings me joy is: _________.
6. I feel inspired and excited, and immersed in what I’m doing, when I: _________.

You get the idea. Digest for a while. In an ideal world, if you were to receive the Mensch Award, what would it be for?

So think about this instead. Rather than what to get done, think about why and how to get it done… and how you can be there for the entire process.

Why are you getting things done in the first place?

But of course, it’s January so you want me to talk about goals, right? Here’s what I suggest.

Set Be-Here-Now Goals rather than Someday Goals.

Someday Goals are externally imposed goals that focus on following rules or expectations. Someday Goals are punitive and dour, focused on enduring (or better yet, numbing out) misery while you wait for an imaginary utopia. Someday Goals keep you living in the near future. Someday Goals often involve outcomes or “If-then” statements, such as “If I am good then I can ‘cheat’…” or “If I work out then I can have…”

Be-Here-Now Goals respond to what is, right now, here. They are calibrated by your internal environment while you twiddle the knobs of honesty and deep compassion for yourself. Be-Here-Now keep you living in the present. Be-Here-Now Goals involve words like “mindful” and “feel” and “choose” and “accept” and “allow”.

Be-Here-Now Goals often involve turning towards unpleasant things to fully experience them, while Someday Goals often involve temporary anesthesia so you can get through to the next checkpoint.

Be-Here-Now Goals are about living and experiencing. Living and experiencing your values, your priorities, your full range of experiences and sensations, and your daily life, no matter how banal. Be-Here-Now Goals are like the way a little kid navigates the world: looking, smelling, touching, tasting, manipulating, playing, picking things up and inspecting them, licking them, throwing them to test their weight.

Frinstance:

I’m not arguing you have to spend all waking hours in a state of Memento-esque amnesia, unaware of past or future. Some Someday Goals are great.

Frinstance, “Climb a mountain” is cool. Just break it into a Be-Here-Now Goal of “One step at a time, with full attention” instead of zoning out during your climb, daydreaming of Everest. Then, each single step will be a small joy. (Or painful. But at least you’ll remember each step.)

Be willing to accept the presence of the full range of human experience, right now. You don’t have to love it. Just be there with it. In this moment. Now.

And hey… why not do less in 2012?

Take things off your plate instead of adding them. (Unless you’re a chronic under-achiever. Then try adding something new to your plate while accepting the inevitable presence of mild discomfort that change brings. Your Be-Here-Now goal is simply to experience and be present with this discomfort. The end result is largely irrelevant compared to the victory of expanding your change tolerance.)

Seek contentment and presence, rather than “achievement” and “outcomes”. Have more unstructured, “empty” moments that allow creativity, synthesis, play, and “flow” to flourish.

Occasionally, seek getting nothing done… and simply experience your life in this rare moment of pause and silence.

Now that’s a goal I can get behind this year.

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Melissa Joulwan runs The Clothes Make The Girl blog. She’s a smart, sassy, fabulous and strong woman… who has a not-so-secret past as a “chubby nerd” who’d rather Rollerskate to the library than do sports.

She transformed her geeky childhood love of Rollerskating into a roller derby league and a book, Rollergirl: Totally True Tales from the Track, written in what’s described on Amazon as a “mouthy, tough-as-nails style”. (You see why I like her?)

She didn’t stop there. The former “chubby nerd” found Crossfit, got lean and powerful, and transformed her family’s love of food into a beautiful, accessible, easy-to-use Primal cookbook, Well Fed: Paleo Recipes for People Who Love to Eat, available in softcover and e-book format.

In this interview, we chat about the book as well as things like:

• Mel’s childhood dorkitude
• her struggles to lose weight and manage her thyroid issues
• silly diet tricks
• how to transition to eating healthy
• why eating Primal means you say an exuberant, lovin’ “yes” to certain foods (rather than “no” to others)
• how to navigate healthy eating with your family — especially how to maintain your family’s ethnic heritage
• how to stop worrying and learn to love food again

Tune in now!

>> Download MP3

And then check out Well Fed and Mel’s blog!

I know the word “paleo” in the title is probably what compelled you to choose this cookbook over others, which means you probably care about your health. I’m very glad! But my mission isn’t to clobber you with the healthfulness of the recipes in this book.

My mission is to inspire you with stories and tempt you with recipes that will make you want to smash in your face with joy.
–Well Fed intro

Mel, doing what she does best

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“This book is about women, sports, and happiness. How the confidence women build in sport translates into the rest of their lives. How the challenges they face by participating in a sport, and the way they meet those challenges, translates into greater strength and the ability to overcome the obstacles in their lives outside of sports; and how their achievements in sports translate into happy lives.

This is a book about the courage it takes to challenge ourselves in how we live our lives.”
—Mina Samuels

In her thoughtful, inspiring work Run Like a Girl: How Strong Women Make Happy Lives, author and athlete Mina Samuels explores the ways in which sports and physical activity can change women’s bodies, spirits, and lives for the better — the ways in which we can all (regardless of our body shape, size, and ability) benefit from movement and physical empowerment.

She illustrates the book with her own story as well as the stories of many other women. In this podcast, I chat with her about the issues her book raises.

	>>Download MP3

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